Mile after mile of beach and not an ice-cream van in sight…

It’s fair to say I’m not much of a traveller. In fact I make Steve Harmison look like Thor Heyerdahl armed with a student rail card. So I was probably the only one making the recent round trip to Abu Dhabi who was pinning for the windswept exoticism of the indoor cricket school, pretty much from the moment I set foot over there.

It’s not so much the flying that does for me – the leg room on a 757 is a positive luxury compared to the cubbyhole I’m expected to work in at Headingley – no, it’s the time difference that throws me off kilter. Four hours doesn’t sound much, but it’s enough to have my body clock mourning the loss of the Julian Calendar.

Of course, coming back just in time for the clocks moving forward an hour, didn’t help. In fact I was so whacked out, I slept till half way through Sunday afternoon, by which time the omnibus edition of last weeks Corrie had already started. Fortunately, as Mrs Len doesn’t trust herself with the video, she hadn’t moved it’s internal clock forward yet. So we where able to start recording, safe in the knowledge we’d get the programme from the very beginning. I’ll look forward to watching that tomorrow.

My old reliable Sony Betamax. The Ashley Giles of home entertainment systems.

Not that I was in any better shape on the outward leg. By the time we arrived I was pretty much out for the count and only had time to set the previous days practice kit on warm wash before I succumbed to sleeps gentle embrace. Which for the purposes of this trip took place in a cot that had been hastily assembled in the hotels laundry room. It was that or room with Steve Patterson. Now Patto is very much my opposite when it comes to travel. Yorkshire’s answer to Bruce Parry if you like, although Steve’s about a foot taller and I’ve yet to see him dancing naked in front of a herd of cows. But given how often some of the younger lads used to go to the Majestyk, anything’s possible I suppose.

Bruce Parry: The BBC’s answer to Steve Patterson. Only a foot shorter and his mum doesn’t buy his clothes.

But delightful as the chance was to watch Patto’s ‘South America 06’ side show once again, given the delicate nature of my stomach after the flight, I didn’t think I could cope with the accompanying ‘tales from the restaurant at the edge of civilisation’. If Steve’s managed to get the better of a pickled guinea pig or a water buffalo’s left buttock, then fair play to him, but I don’t need to know about it.

All of which left me out on my ear and cosying up next to one of the hotel’s tumble dryers for the night whilst surrounded by the smell of starch emanating from the junior pros freshly cleaned nether garments and listening to the gentle hum coming from the light bulb overhead. Which I suppose is marginally better than listening to the crackle of starch being burnt on the light bulb above whilst surrounded by the hum coming off the junior pros unwashed unmentionables.

Come the morning and I was still a little worse of wear and spent much of the Lancashire game snoring loudly from my position behind the Yorkshire seating area. Not that I was the only one missing the game, as Simon Guy was still being held by UEA customs. Apparently they took one look at that stupid wicketkeeping mask he’s been promoting and pulled him to one side as a suspected S&M sex tourist. We did tell him ordering one in black was a mistake.

Guy’s Improved Mask Protector: Marketing men may want to run the acronym past a focus group before going into full production.

Meanwhile, as the tournament progressed, something very odd happen. Something even stranger than seeing how much Hoggy enjoyed dressing as a baby at last year’s end of season party. We actually won a one-day competition. Ok, the counties were playing half strength teams and we did narrowly lose to Sussex, although mainly due to only playing three specialist batsmen ourselves. But we did play good cricket, gave the youngsters a go and actually won something. We’ll have to get the trophy cabinet out of storage now. Last I saw, Andy Fogarty was using it to house broken lawnmower engines.

But even more importantly than that, we learnt some valuable lessons:

• Wainwright & Pyrah will be important parts of the one day team again this year
• Andy Gale has improved his scoring rate significantly during the off-season
• ‘Young Skywalker’ may be ready to play in the one-day side from now on
• Some of the youngsters can field for more than a couple of hours without getting a stitch
• If Chalky keeps wearing his training shorts that high he might need a comb for the first time in years

Oh, and on a personal note. I discovered that if you eat more couscous than you can shake a pointy stick at, then a pointy stick becomes about the only way you can get it back out again. But then I’ve always been a martyr to my digestive tract.

Si’thee later,

Len

~ by lentheyorkshirekitman on 31 March, 2008.