Walking on Water
Championship: Yorkshire v Worcestershire – Headingley, 9th – 12th May
Perhaps this is a reflection of my natural tyke pessimism, but despite our great start to the season, the game against bottom of the table Worcestershire is the first I’ve actually felt confident that we’d win. So what did the weather forecast say for Headingley? Monsoon season with a side order of ‘bloody hell, it’s tipping it down’. Perfect.
Of course the saving grace is that local weathermen have all the accuracy of a Steve Harmison loosener, which explains why play lasted almost two full sessions on the opening day before the players had to come off. By which time, Yorkshire had already got themselves into a strong position at 202/1, with Sayers still there on 86. The only man down being makeshift opener Chalky, caught behind on 97, going for his second century of the season.
Yorkshire’s Jason Statham look-a-like: Has moved up top and produced a couple of absolute beauties.
Day two saw the rain keep away, giving Yorkshire time to rack up over five hundred, which should be enough to ensure we only have to bat once. Worcestershire’s attack struggled throughout, showing all the menace of Westlife playing a retirement home – not so much flying without wings as bowling without a clue.
The ones to benefit most were the ever-fluent Rudolph, and the slightly less effusive Sayers, both of whom notched up another ton. In their own ways they’ve brought much to the batting line up and dressing room this year. With ‘The Transformer’ – he’s an overseas player in disguise – proving to everybody just what a class act he is. Jacques has bonded quickly with the lads and coming from thebacksidefnowheresville South Africa, they’ve enjoyed bringing him up to date with the last twenty years of popular culture. We had quite a job persuading him Life on Mars was a period piece, I can tell you. Come to think of it, Steve Oldham took some convincing as well.
For some the dodgy moustache and Showaddywaddy era have never really aged. Right Steve?
Joe on the other hand, has been a revelation, playing his anchor role to perfection, and allowing the others to bat round him, giving us the opportunity to make the kind of first innings totals that put your opponent out of the match.
The added bonus from the rain breaks in this game, has come from watching Graeme Hick ask Joe about the physics degree he took at Oxford. After twenty minutes of the ins-and-outs of the Hartree-Fock method, you could almost spot the exact moment Hick’s brain pulled the shutters down and left for the team hotel. Still, even if cricketers sometimes give the impression their specialist subject for Mastermind would have to be ‘Things people have told me in the last five minutes’, this one’s still got a quadruple century to his name. Can you imagine Joe doing the same? That’d be a fortnight of your life you’d never get back.
Joe Sayers: Spent three years at Oxford University learning Physics and how to drink schnapps from a traffic cone.
For the rest of the match Yorkshire’s only real threat came from the weather, with the up side being that when we did get some play the cloud cover was helping the ball swing round corners. Take the third day for example, we got barely more than two hours play, but in that time a brilliant spell of bowling from Hoggy, backed up by Dizzy, had skittled Worchester out for 129 – exactly the score that Rudolph had made for us without being dismissed.
Asked to follow on and they were predictably as bad again, surviving 55 overs, before a combination of Brez and Adil had whipped them out for just three runs more than they managed in the first knock. To be honest, the only surprising thing about the whole day’s play was when Simon Guy deputised behind the stumps, under the impression that he was auditioning for a part in the Mask of Zorro – he’s a lovely lad is Simon, but you do wonder if he’s got both paddles in the water.
Simon Guy: Barking Mad. Absolutely, paint my arse yellow and call me a grapefruit, loopy.
A crushing victory for us, but my thoughts were with the poor buggers who’d made it here to support the away team. Twice out for less than 100 overs is a poor effort, and it’s not as if they had an impossible task, given the weather was always a potential saviour.
Still, this win leaves us top of the table and looking good for the season. But my one worry is how we’ll fair once Hoggard returns to England duty. So far he’s got 17 wickets @ 16 runs each in the opening four games – how do you replace that?
Si’thee later,
Len
My Man of the Match: Matthew Hoggard
Result – Yorkshire (22 points) beat Worchestershire (2 points) by an innings and 260 runs
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